WOULD YOU LET ME...SEE BENEATH YOUR BEAUTIFUL?

Friday, September 20, 2013

You have been created, crafted, designed and fashioned beautifully and wonderfully; with a unique characteristic and a special inner beauty that no other human possesses except you. God doesn't make photocopies, so you're the only YOU that exists on planet earth. However, on earth there's a force greater than the force of gravity that has much effect on this inner beauty (no matter how we deny it) and it has  the ability to either pull you down or lift you up. It's the power of LOVE.  When I was younger, a friend once told me that "when someone is in love, a fool is born"; I never understood it till I got older. It's that force that connects you to another person in a way that you cannot even explain...most times words cannot express it cos it can only be expressed by your actions. When that force hits you... normal sense disappears (loll), little wonder they say love is blind. 

Listening to the song "see beneath your beautiful" by Labrinth and Emeli Sande, I realized that many of us have built a protective covering around our heart - like soldiers guarding a border; more like bullet proof walls just to protect our hearts from any bullet from the blokes or chics. This could have been caused by heart-breaks, broken trusts, divorce, etc and then we choose to shut down our emotions and focus on career, family, success, business, projects, travelling. Somehow deep down, we believe that this will help take away the hurt or pain and gradually you get your groove back and turn on the perfection in you. But behind these walls is a little girl/boy that longs to show that inner beauty to someone who will nurture it and help that beauty glow even more. 

It takes a lot to reveal your inner beauty to someone - trust, honesty, commitment, sacrifice etc so I really don't blame people who have protective walls cos they would have gone through some pain and probably want to take their time before launching into the deep again. The inner beauty God has deposited in us is to be appreciated, loved, nurtured by someone who understands the beauty that lies within you. Someone who will come into that garden and take care of it till it blooms. Take for example, a successful young entrepreneur who opens his heart to a lady; lets her in and bares himself open, showing his vulnerabilities and letting that little boy come out. And after all these, the lady sees him as a money machine, dupes him and is gone with the wind after 8 months. What hurts more is he even introduced her to his mum. I read an article on a blog yesterday about a young entrepreneur and the comments I saw below the post was hilarious. All the ladies wanted to know was if he was single or not-praying to God to bless them with a rich man like this dude. Someone asked a question - If he was not listed on Forbes Magazine and was a small business owner somewhere in a small town, will they be so interested in whether he was single or not? 

There's a lot to be exposed beneath the perfection that we put up on the outside but it takes real love, an undying love to love beneath the perfect. This is a funny example but I'll use it - how many of us love to crack our chicken bone? Raise ya hands, don't be shyyyyyy. It's just something we love to do but when we wear that perfection, you even eat the chicken half when on dates. The same guy you went on a date with and forming not knowing how to eat chicken finally becomes your boyfriend and one day sees you struggling with chicken bone (the real you), he either decides he wants the all perfect fork & knife eating chic or the girl struggling with chicken bone.  Love is not about loving the perfect person, but loving the imperfect person perfectly - a heart that accepts you just the way you are and help you become a better person. We all want to be natural and simple with those we love; we want you to see the real vulnerable girl/boy but.... how many of us will stay when we finally see beneath the perfect??? It only takes true love to walk that mile, if you find someone with that heart....please let him or her see beneath your beautiful.

PS: Never let a broken heart take your chance for love away; there are still a few good men and good ladies out there. If grasses can grow out of concrete floors, love will find you anywhere you are...just believe.

PPS: Ladies, a man who wants to stay will never leave no matter how you push him away but a man who does not want to stay will never stay no matter what you do. So please, don't lose your value chasing someone who has no interest to see beneath your beautiful. You'll hurt yourself even more...

GUYS: Please beneath the make-up, Louis Vuitton bag, Christian Louboutin shoes, Peruvian hair, lace wig is a pretty little girl that wants to be loved for who she is without all these extras. When all the glamour is taken off, would you still look at her and tell her she's beautiful? 

LADIES: Please men are not ATM machines, STOP making them feel they're not good enough if they don't make a certain number of zeros. Beneath those thick muscles, Salvatore Ferragamo wristwatch, Giorgio Armani suit, Kenneth Cole belt, clean cut shave, posrche ride is a pretty little boy that wants to be loved for who he is without all these extras. When all the ego is taken off, would you still look at him and be proud of who he is? Those extras may be there when the chase is on, but if he let's you see his inner beauty and you finally say YES...please and pleaaaase love him as though these extras were not there. 

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Waiting for Mr Right...Are you Mrs Right

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Hi guys, it's been a while I wrote an article on my blog. Apologies, but I still had you guys in mind and instead of writing this time I decided to make a video. It's the ladies' version of an article on my blog titled "In search of Mrs Right, Are you Mr Right". Follow this link to read the article http://lynnville.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/are-you-that-kinda-guy.html 

I'll love to read your comments and your views about it. 

XX

Lynn

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WHILE YOU'RE WAITING...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

That still small voice kept ringing in my head, "just wait"... Not yet dear; just at the right time. I never questioned "when" but I just knew I was on the right path. Some people say you should follow your heart, but I think you should follow your inner man (your spirit), it leads your heart to the right place. 

I walked into the Baker Street underground station after lectures during my masters program, the train arrived in 3 minutes. It was a Jubilee line to Stratford so I sat down waiting patiently for the final stop at Stratford as I couldn't wait to get home and entertain my rumbling stomach. Guess what, it seemed like the longest journey ever, I yawned and hissed at every stop; it looked like Stratford was outside London. I even considered switching to Central line cos it was faster but that will make my journey longer than it should have been. I looked around to see if I was the only one wishing the train could develop wings and fly, but I was mistaken. People had novels to read, magazines, bible (I was actually impressed with the Chinese guy, surprised?) etc. I figured it out, while I waited for the journey to come to an end, I needed to keep myself busy, I needed something else to focus on so that I won't get impatient. The next day, I took one of my favourite books "Maximising Your Potentials" by Myles Munroe and my highlighting pen. As soon as I got into the train, I started reading with rapt attention, highlighting key points and quotations; I was interrupted by  a lady who tapped me to say we had gotten to the last train stop...oops. How time flies right?

We have all been in situations where we had to wait, for time bus, train and...a life partner. The most common question is when will he/she come? JAMB question...hehehe. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says "He hath made all things beautiful in His time". Now you're asking when is this time? In the course of time I have seen that after a break-up from a relationship, most people rush into another relationship to heal the existing wounds. Some others allow the hurt to become a part of them which makes them bitter towards everything and everyone around them. You ask when is God's time whereas you cannot even learn to wait on Him for the right time and right one. 

In the process of waiting, being idle will increase your impatience and make you consider taking a shorter route to your destination instead of waiting for God's perfect will. So what do you do while you wait for him/her? This is your route to self discovery, a time to discover who you really are, a time to develop yourself, a time to equip your mind, body & soul in preparation for the task ahead. This is a time to spend in prayers, a time to ask yourself what you really want in life, where you're going and how you want to get there. A time to set goals for your life, make plans to succeed, a time to serve God with the days of your youth (Ecclesisates 12:1), a time to improve on your personality, a time to unleash the potentials inside you. A time of solitude is not for you to cry over a guy/girl who walked away. NO, a thousand times NO. Yeah, you may feel sad that he/she walked away but do not dwell on it for too long. Some people come into your life for a purpose, some for a season and some for a life time; it's just how God made it to be. The one who will stay for a lifetime will never leave no matter how hard you push him. The truth is God knows the end from the beginning, He knows how your story will end, He knows when, where and what time yours will be. Jeremiah 29:11 says " For I know the plans I have towards you, plans of good and not of evil to give you an expected end"  and then Proverbs 23:18 goes on to say "For surely there's an end and the expectations of the righteous will not be cut off". You see, He knows you're expecting an end to all of this, he also has a plan for you and it will come to pass but you have to wait. So while you wait for him/her, just UNLEASH. There are treasures deposited inside you that the world needs to see/hear/feel. The truth is he may not find you if you're not busy doing something. Remember Ruth was busy in the fields when Boaz saw her for the first time (Study the book of Ruth). Sis, get busy with your life, find something you enjoy doing and take your mind off the wait. Focus your gaze on God and pray for this man/woman you've been waiting for; while you pray for him wicked and unreasonable men(male/female) will be taken off your path. The eyes of your understanding will be enlightened to differentiate the gardener from the hunter or scavenger. So sweetie, WAIT, GET BUSY. WORSHIP, SERVE, BUILD, DEVELOP AND PRAY....before you realize it, you'll get that prompting in your spirit saying "the time is now". God's appointed time.

I'm speaking from experience-I was broken but in my solitude I stayed with the Lord, discovered a lot about myself, grew physically, emotionally, spiritually; improved academically, spiritually; developed all round, worshipped, served & still serving God; making impact, became stronger than I ever thought I could be without taking note of the time and .... I'll share the full story one day.

To understand the gardener, the hunter and the scavenger, read my article "In Love With The Gardener" HERE

I was going to post this article specifically for those waiting on God for marriage but God wants to speak to someone who may have been waiting on Him for something, a child, a job, love, healing etc. I don't know how long it has taken but God is making a way for you, Just Wait. Please and please, Please again open this video below by Juanita Bynum. You'll be encouraged and strengthened in your spirit. Shut the devil up cos delay is not denial. 

XX

Lynn

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DEALING WITH "TRUST" IN A RELATIONSHIP

Sunday, December 2, 2012

 If grasses could spring up from a hard concrete cemented floor, then LOVE can find you anywhere; even in the weirdest of places.

 To love and be loved in return is a beautiful thing; to know that someone somewhere is happy just because you are in his/her life is a pleasant feeling. Such moments when you're in the office and looking at your laptop; your colleagues will probably think you're busy not knowing that you're completely lost at the sight of the beauty on your screen saver. Love may be all things sweet and romantic but it's "hard work" to maintain it and only the strong and willing reap its fruits. Out of the 1,000,000,000,000,000 people in this world, you chose that one person to open your heart to; to share the deepest secrets with; to make a fool of yourself for; to trust your heart in his/her hands and accepting to go through thick and thin with that person. That's giving someone license to kill you and trusting that they won't...(I think i'll rather say PRAYING and hoping they won't). But in real terms; do you actually trust that person?

TRUST is one of the basic foundations of loving someone; that point when you choose to believe every word they say; you take their word as their bond and can vouch for this person with your life. There's a popular saying that "trust is like a glass, it takes ages to build but a second to get broken". To love someone is to trust them and without trust, love cannot grow but some people choose to stay in a relationship where they have to check his/her phone for text messages?  Why do you have to tag along with her to a girls night out? Hellooooo..it's "girls' night out" not boys' night out. Why do you set a trap for him/her hoping they fall into it? Why would you eavesdrop on his/her call? If you're guilty of these questions I've asked then you need to re-define your relationship. You may say Lynn, you don't understand. Yeah, clearly I don't; but what I do know is that the more you keep doing these things, the worse it get cos you will never be at rest when he/she walks out of the door to go somewhere without you. You panic when he's out with the guys, your heart skips when someone tells you they saw someone that looked like him in Ikoyi whereas he said he was going to Lekki (now you don't know what to believe). You're in a relationship but not happy; you find yourself arguing everyday about little matters (guys call it nagging) and that love you once cherished gradually diminishes. This was not the plan from the beginning right? OK, so what do we do?

Dealing with trust issues starts from your knees...the place of prayer. Secondly, cut out third parties (he said, she said, they said) you don't need to listen to what anybody says if you want to build trust. Hear from the horse's mouth before you conclude...the only third party should be God. As human beings, it is not possible to completely trust someone but you trust only through the ability of God. You trust that person by trusting God to keep him/her from falling; you constantly pray for them and speak positive words into their life. The bible says that "they that put their trust in God shall not be put to shame"; it is not by our power to control another human being. You can only pray and trust that God will keep them away from the things they shouldn't do; that's how you deal with trust issues. Most importantly, have a positive mind. Titus 1:15 (NIV) says ^"to the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure.In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted." In essence, if you're one who naturally has a negative/corrupt mind you'll find it difficult to trust people cos you'll never believe anything they say even when they're saying the truth. Pray about it.

Ladies, shouting at him and asking where he has been for the past 6 hours would only push him farther away (that's the nagging they complain about); monitoring his every move will give you heart attack (lolll)...let him be free as a bird, don't cage him. If you do, he'll look for every opportunity to seek freedom but if you let him go; he'll always want to be around you. Do your part as a lady and God will do the rest as long as you're living a trustworthy life. Don't pray for a trustworthy guy when you can't be trusted. Guys, do not tie her down to the house or change her wardrobe to only wear long skirts so that no other man can see her. I had a friend in university who's bf would get so angry even when she's in the study group just because there are guys in the group. So because you're in a relationship, she automatically becomes quarantined to every other male figure. Mba nu...guys don't do this. You have to pray for her too; some guys think its only the ladies who should pray. Nah bruv...if you love her, you have to go on your knees for her. It's easy to fall into temptations but with prayers, so many things are averted.

 Love is not enough to sustain a relationship, to give the best of love you have to go through love himself - GOD. If you trust God, then trust him to keep the trust in your relationship. Only through God can you sustain trust cos human love is fickle, little challenges puts your love to test and not every relationship survives it. Learn to trust your partner today, build your relationship on a strong foundation and invite God to be your TRUST-FUND. 

Have a lovely week

XX

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IN SEARCH OF MRS RIGHT....ARE YOU MR RIGHT?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The other end of the line sounded dead for a second; at first I thought the call had ended. Then I looked at my phone and the minutes were still reading, it was 49:11 mins that I had spent on the phone with Eric. I said another “hello” just to be sure he was still there; he replied with a deep sigh…Lynda I’m still here but I just feel empty.

Yeah, there are times when guys feel empty too, feeling the need to have someone who loves them genuinely and not for a reason or a season. My conversation with Eric was deep and quite informative. Ok, I’ll give a brief profile of Eric. A Nigerian who has lived in London since he was 10 years old, at 28 already accomplished-good job, owns his own house in London, posh car. Dresses well, always in the gym (gals u know how the abs will be), speaks fluently, very intelligent but doesn’t go to church (I can tell cos I have known him for a while) and ….ok I’ll stop for now. So in every respect, he is an eligible bachelor. Agreed?

So since I met Eric, we’ve gradually grown from mere acquaintance to good friends and then somehow I became a confidant. Eric could tell me virtually anything and everything and the bulk of the story is usually girls…. (What else do guys talk about apart from money & sports)? On this particular day, he was whining about being in the house alone and needed company but didn’t want to call any of his female friends cos somehow they’ll end up in bed and … sure u already know how it ends. He went on to say that he wanted to get married and settle down; he was finally tired of FWB (Friends With Benefits), tired of going out every night and squander money on alcohol and gals, he was tired of spending different nights with different girls and also tired of coming back to an empty house. Aaaww, poor Eric. So while talking to him that day, he complained of how every girl wants one thing or the other. He asked me where/how he can find a wife (since I refused to marry him...loll). First I asked Eric, was “what kinda woman are you searching for”? He told me how he wanted a good girl, a faithful and trustworthy person who will be a good wife and companion for the rest of his life. The only thing I told him was to become the male version of that kinda girl and in no time he will find her. Suddenly, there was no more sound from him… the other end of the line sounded dead. Obviously, it was going to be difficult for him to become that person (judging from the Eric I know) but that was my honest & best answer for him.

 Guys, I’ll ask you the same question, what kinda woman do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you that kinda man that she’ll want to stand by her side? There comes a point in a man’s life when he realizes that he needs to deviate from some certain characters and habits. The things that make you happy will no longer be found in those places. For instance you want a God-fearing wife and you spend every evening in a strip club or in a pub…sorry bruv, you ain’t gonna find her there cos the places you go to determine the kinda people you meet. You need a respectful woman whereas you have no respect for people, and you treat people arrogantly… sorry your character will drive her away even before you make a move. You want Agbani Darego and a sexy wife but your pot-belly is making it difficult for you to even button your shirt…PLS hit the gym.

Guys, it’s simple and easy…cut out those loose strings, patch up the broken vessel, work towards becoming a better person, live with a purpose, write down your vision and God will bring a help-meet to help you fulfill your purpose in life. It is not rocket science, you don’t have to be Mr. Perfect but the girl just needs to see your determination and focus and she will walk/work with you to help you achieve the rest.

I stumbled unto this article by a fellow blogger A Good Man Who Can Find? and guys, I think you'll learn a lot from this.

XX

Lynn

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