DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK/SAY?

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

As my dad smacked me in the head, I grudgingly walked away not understanding why the visitor could not use the long glass I had brought for him to drink the red wine my dad had set on the table. I went back to the wine glass rack and pulled out the glass with the wider base for the visitor to use... still wondering why he could not use the first glass cup I brought. From then till now I still can't understand why the white wine glass is different from the red wine glass - not that there are no explanations but I just can't understand why there should be a reason. Does it really matter if you pour the white wine in a red wine glass or vice versa? Will it change the taste of the wine? Does the shape of the glass cup allow a free flow of the wine into the mouth? If you present a visitor with a white wine and give him/her a red wine glass, does that make you a bad host? I'm still wondering why....because in the end, all that matters is the wine went from the glass into your mouth; your tongue enjoyed the taste of the wine which then passed through your oesophagus into your stomach and ends up in the toilet as urine. Following this life cycle of the wine, again I ask - does it really matter what glass you drink your wine in?

It's interesting how most of us live our lives with so much headache on what type of glass to drink our wine from. Yes ... you reading this article. What am I trying to say? In the journey of life, it really doesn't matter where you are at or what stage in life you are at presently. All that matters is that you're not at one spot - you're moving forward and making progress. It also doesn't matter what people think/say about you; understand that there will always be critics who stand on the way throwing tantrums at you and telling you how they expect your life to be or how they think you're not doing something well. These people act like the day you were born, there was a slot for their signature on your birth certificate. They expect you to be at a certain level at a certain age in your life and when you're not there yet; they make you feel miserable about it because according to them "your mates" have all achieved so and so while you're yet to get there. They always have "when" and "why" questions such as - Daisy, Amaka is getting married next month so when is yours? Or, Lanre, Chudi has just bought a new BMW and built a new house for his parents so when are we seeing your handwork? The most common question for both male and female - so when are you getting married? Does it really matter when? 

If you ever get these questions, your response should be - If I tell you when I will do these things, how will it affect your life? Will it add a cubit to your height or a pound to your flesh? As different as our faces are, so are our destinies; even twins do not have the same thumb print and do not have the same dreams or ambitions. That someone else is

drinking their white wine in a slender long glass does not mean it tastes better than yours because you're drinking from a wider base glass. I mean, someone else's success does not insinuate that you are not making progress in life so quit letting people control your life choosing what type of glass you have to drink your wine in. The igbos will say "ebe onye oso ruru ka onye ije g'eru" meaning - the person running and the person walking will both get to the same destination. Kinda reminds me of the bedtime stories about the tortoise, slow but steady showing that it's not about how fast your so called mates run but how well. Compare two people building houses - a skyscraper and a bungalow. When the bungalow is completed, the owner of the skyscraper will still be laying his foundation. But the people looking from outside will not understand; they will only see that two people started building together but one person finished before the other.  

While beating yourself up about what type of glass to drink your wine from; remember that some people do not even have wine to drink talk more of choosing which glass to drink from. So when next those people come with their when and why questions; remind them that there are also some of those your mates who are 6 feet below the ground and couldn't live to enjoy the wine whether from a long slender glass or a wider base glass.

• It's your life - choose to live it on God's purpose and plans for you, not what people think is best for you. God's time is the best and as long as you're walking in his plans for your life - what anybody thinks or says really doesn't matter.

• Be motivated by other people's success and let it be a source of encouragement to you. Never envy anybody, you'll short-circuit that miracle in your life especially if it's something you desire. Instead celebrate people and you in will be celebrated.

• Constantly push yourself to perform better than your past, not to compete with others. If your goal is to be better than that your flat mate or co-worker; you may end up frustrating yourself. 

• Don't let the world decide for you, let THE WORD decide for you. The wine is yours, you can even drink it with a tea cup...it's nobody's business as long a it's fine with God.

• White wine or red wine, it doesn't really matter which glass you use as long as the wine gets into your mouth and serves its purpose. Therefore, whether fast or slow... it doesn't really matter as long as you just keep moving.

• Always be thankful for having wine at least; there are people who don't have i.e. be thankful for life and for where God has brought you to.

• Even when there is no glass to drink the wine, you can drink directly from the bottle. Meaning, when you're faced with obstacles - just take the bull by the horn and push your way through.

• Never stop dreaming as long as you wake up and make it happen.

Have a beautiful week

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BUILDING YOURSELF FOR GREATNESS

Friday, October 25, 2013

Hi lovelies, I trust you all had a great week. It's been a while I wrote a success-inspirational article and today I'm going to share with you on a topic I've been meditating on for a very long time from my pastor's message - Building Yourself for Greatness. 

Success is NOT an accident and anybody can be a success but you have to prepare for it because the future belongs to those who prepare for it. We all have dreams and goals, but it's not enough to be a dreamer because there are lots of dreamers who never achieved their dreams. It's good to dream, but don't get lost in the dream; get up and make it happen. Life has made provisions for everyone to achieve their dreams if you follow the right principles. Never blame anybody for failure cos it's just NOT an option for you. Make up your mind to be a key player not a spectator; don't live on the sidewalks...be the one to make things happen. 

Some people want it to happen

Some wish it could happen

Others make it happen

-Michael Jordan-

We all have a seed of greatness deposited inside of us from the point of conception; what you do with that seed is up to you - whether to grow it into greatness or to let it lie

dormant inside you while you blame everyone for your situation. Explore your mind and bring out the best in you; there's more to your life than you can ever imagine cos you were destined for greatness. There are few tings you need to do to prepare and build yourself for greatness; these are:

1. Cultivate a discontent with mundanity and mediocrity in your life: Refuse to be satisfied with anything that is not excellent (it doesn't make you an extremist, it just makes you someone of excellence).  Never mind critics - they are only spectators who sit on the sidewalks and watch the players; they will definitely talk about you and say things to pull you down. Please pay them no attention and no matter what you do, BE THE BEST.
2. Drive yourself to improve your mind and abilities: Seek ways to improve yourself; come out of your comfort zone and do things differently. Sometimes you have to stretch yourself beyond your limits; if you have decided to be the best then you have to work towards it and make a decision to keep doing it until you become the best. Cultivate/sharpen/harness your skills, invest in your mind-start reading the right materials - do things differently. Make sacrifices if the need be and run with the right crowd. To live a positive life, you need to surround yourself with positive people.
3. The "unseen you" is the one to make you a success - train that man/woman: The real you is the inner man where your thoughts are processed  and this is where your greatness lies so don't let that "you" be intimidated no matter what. You may have grown up in an environment where you were ridiculed, mocked and as a result you never thought you could become great. Truth is, it doesn't matter what happened in your past - if your past does not inspire you; drop it and focus on creating a beautiful future ahead. Reprogram your mind and thinking from that shy, quiet, timid young boy/girl to a bold, strong and courageous man/woman.
4.  Don't let the memory of the past stop you: If your past does not inspire you, dump it. If you feel terrible, cry or have regrets anytime you remember your past, let it go cos it's not good enough for your future. Don't be a slave to your past - focus on what lies ahead. 
5. Don't let anything stop you: Your journey to greatness will bring you to many obstacles/roadblocks but don't let them stop you. If you ever encounter a road without obstacles, it's probably cos it's leading nowhere. A road that leads to greatness will have some walls to challenge you; this will test and try you. It could come in different forms - negative words from critics, you may fail the first time, betrayal, etc. However it comes, don't let it get to you - fight the fight of faith and keep trying. If you fail seven times, rise up eight times and keep at it.

Obstacles don't have to stop you. 

If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it or work through it - Michael Jordan

I see greatness in you, wake up and run with your dreams till you achieve your desired goal. Have a great weekend

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WHEN GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION

Friday, October 4, 2013

It was 4:05 pm when my manager came to my desk; he looked at me and said "well-done Lynda, you've done your best and we (the team) can all see from the excel spreadsheet that you've really put in effort in trying to hit your target this week". He continued by saying, "I'm happy with what you've done, thank you for this week's achievement, I'm sure next week will be better". While he was speaking, my head was down and I was just not happy at all cos I always meet target and last week my team produced the highest result in our division; I felt really bad that I would let the team down this week. After my manager spoke I tilted my head upwards to look at him and I was surprised to see him still smiling, encouraging me not to feel bad about meeting my target. At this moment, ladies and gentlemen... I felt I had disappointed him. The day was almost over and I had two options, give up on meeting my targets (after all I have always met target & exceeded some times) or keep trying to get a workable case and help the team achieve our goal for the week. I was on the verge of going with the first option, but I remembered the look my manager had on his face when he looked at the scores - I went back into the pool and started fishing for cases. Have you ever said you've done your best and someone says your best isn't good enough? I told myself that I have tried but, at this point this best isn't good enough; I made up my mind to keep searching and updating the spreadsheet until it was 5pm, so giving up was just not an option for me. I was going to fight till the end.

During the early hours of the day I had whined, grumbled, moaned, complained cos my eyes were aching from non-stop staring into the computer screen. I actually forgot to have lunch so you can imagine a hungry stomach, aching eyes, head and no cases to work. At exactly 4:12, I miraculously stumbled unto a workable case...at first I didn't want to jinx it so I just told my manager I think I may have found one. I stressed the "MAY HAVE" so it doesn't end up like the other two I rejoiced about but still found out couldn't be completed. But guess what? This one was workable and so sweet mehhnnn....Now I began to smile from ear to ear but there was one more huddle to cross. Can I assess this case and finish it before 5pm??? It could take up to an hour to work a single case, different steps/processes to follow, spotting relevant information, making sure they're absolutely accurate, extra attention to details etc. How on earth was I going to get this done in less than 30 mins? At this point, I just want to shout it loud and clear that "I HAVE THE BEST TEAM-MATES EVER"...I love my team - A good manager makes a good team. Thanks Nick

You know how you add "a good team player" as one of the skills on your CV, this was exemplified and perfectly played out today. I was so amazed...Kristina split the checks into two bits and started doing some work on it wile I checked the second part; after that she printed out the main information I needed to complete my assessment to speed up the process. In no time, I was through with the assessment and Liz came to the rescue with her great quality/house style checks. After that, Kristina was already standing by the printer waiting for my documents to come out, she stapled it quickly and I signed the documents - Yayyy, case completed!!!

This post is not just another story but I'll point out some very important things:

• When you get to the point of giving up and it is evident to everyone that you have really tried your best - please don't give up. Just one last try...you never know what happens... you may be one step to hitting jackpot. Success doesn't come to those who never failed but to those who failed so many times and never gave up. Even when you think you've done your best - Just keep at it till you get a result.
  
  
  
• Appreciate the people around you - God places people around you for your good so no matter what happens - stick together in love. They may annoy you, get on your nerves but we need them to spice up our lives. Life will be boring if we all acted the same, so be grateful for having them. If I haven't said it before(I've definitely said it) - I love you Y103 team.

• Be a team player - no man is an island. The acronym TEAM means Together Each Achieve More. I had my team in mind and I wanted the team target to be achieved so I kept on trying and when I found what I needed, they came through and we all worked together.

• Leadership - A good leader is one who brings out the best in the people he/she is leading. As a leader, constant motivation and encouragement helps to bring out the best in your followers; your attitude and actions towards them could lift them up or push them down. Even when I had performed below expectation, my manager still said "thank you" and told me I was doing a great job. Appreciate and speak positive words to the people you lead despite their shortcomings; you may have someone who's slow in your team, don't tell them how slow and backwards they are. Instead say words like - I know you can do it, give it your best shot and if you ever need help on anything,  you can come to me. Words have motivating effect on people and the more you speak positive words to that person, gradually they change and become better. To know a good leader, check his followers, from my story I guess you already know what kind of leader I have - The best of the best. 

• For more inspiration on not giving up, read my article titled - QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION HERE.

A big shout out to my team members Nick (manager), Hitesh, Ben, Liz, Kristina, Martin, Trushen, Suganya, Rumayna, Giash, and Jihat. Thanks for being so sweeeeet and creating a lovely ambience, happy work environment and for filling the goodie box with lots of chocolate, crisps, biscuits, candy lolll.

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WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS?

Sunday, September 22, 2013

It's sad that many people do not know the quality, greatness, uniqueness with which they are made. They constantly find themselves needing appraisal and confirmation from others to make them feel good or think they are good enough. It's more annoying that they feel less about themselves cos they're trying to measure up to someone's idea of who they are supposed to be. They try to make themselves good enough to be loved, appreciated or accepted by someone else. WHY? WHY? WHY?

Do you really know who you are? Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you know how valuable you are? You're exceptionally BEAUTIFUL and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't try to impress someone by depressing yourself...you're AMAZING, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

PRESS PLAY on the video below, I have a message for you.

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NIGERIA - A BEAUTIFUL NATION BUT STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Few days ago, I watched two YouTube videos made by Nigerians resident in USA and they had one thing in common – how bad Nigeria is and the corrupt leadership. One of them actually bashed Nigeria so much that you’ll wonder what sort of people live in that country. 

After seeing these videos, I wondered if it was reasonable to expect a new born child to act, think and function like a 50 year old adult.  How do you even start to compare the differences in experience, character, physical qualities, maturity, intellectual knowledge between an infant and an adult. Do you expect a child to jump out of the womb and compete with Usain Bolt on a 100m race??? NO WAY. So why do we compare Nigeria with USA, UK, Canada etc?  It took USA 237 years and Canada 146 years after independence to become what they are today and still there are slums/ghettos in these western countries. I live in London and there are some places I have walked/driven through that are as bad as Ariaria market in Aba. I once came across a part of Elephant and Castle that looked like a mechanic workshop somewhere in Lagos. The only difference between Nigeria and these countries is a system that works and it took them hundreds of years to achieve what they have today. We need leaders who have a passion to make Nigeria a better place; not for the purpose of greed, wealth acquisition, looting and embezzlement of funds allocated to the masses. Creating a system that works is a journey that takes a very long time but Nigerians are not patient.  This article is not to dispute the fact that Nigeria has issues and it does not overlook the fact that our leaders are corrupt. However, my aim is to draw your attention to a nation that is a work in progress; a nation that is making transition into becoming a better country.  Even though some of us do not (and have refused to) acknowledge it, the fact remains that we have made tremendous progress since our independence. The truth is, our children/grand children may be the ones to see the Nigeria we dreamt of. The Nigeria we see today is not the Nigeria we used to know and will not be the same in the future.

The most common issues in Nigeria are:

Petroleum: It’s sad that we are a member of the Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC), with over 40 billion barrels of oil reserve and still have fuel scarcity.

Electricity: In 2007, Nigeria supplied Ghana 80 megawatts of electricity to help make up the 2000 megawatt they required to address their energy crisis at that time. It is disappointing that five years later, Ghana is said to be supplying Nigeria with electricity. I know some people will ask if we’re moving forward or backwards (I guess forward but with little bumps in the way).

Education: The JAMB system in Nigeria will NEVER be a true test of knowledge but yet, it has denied many qualified and over-qualified Nigerian youths a right to education. The ASUU strike has frustrated students because most of them end up spending 5/6 years in school for a 4 years course. Because of this, many parents have resorted to “expensive” private schools that have accreditation issues (if our education system was good, most students in private schools will not be there).

Politics: Politics in Nigeria has never been played fair and impartial; it has never been without election rigging or killing of innocent people because of power.

Medical needs: Our medical facilities are really poor, inadequate and rusty (obsolete).

Government: The bribery and corruption is on another level… I can’t find the words to explain it.

Other chaos:Boko-Haram, kidnapping, bad roads etc

In one of the videos I watched @Ritaspeaks asked a question – Naija, is it that bad? Watch the video HERE. Well, the answer is Yes and No but it depends on how you see it. I acknowledge the issues facing Nigeria; I guess we all expected more from our leaders but feel let-down as none of these have been changed despite their numerous promises during elections. Things may be bad but what matters is how we see it. Do you see the cup half full or half empty? How can we even see the good in Nigeria when all we do is magnify the bad deeds, escalate all our mistakes, insult the government, bash our leaders and curse the nation? How can you see the change when your vision is clouded with negative images of Nigeria? I don’t know about you but I can see a cup half full. Any success without mistakes will not last cos mistakes help to shape and mould us into better and stronger people as long as we dust ourselves up and keep moving. That’s the way I see Nigeria. We are a growing country, an emerging market; we are making our mistakes but we are also getting stronger every day.

 

We need to stop focusing on the issues we have and channel this vexation into making Naija a better place. There is hope for a better tomorrow but it takes you and I to make the difference. John .F. Kennedy (35^th USA president) once said, “don’t ask what your country can do for you; instead ask what you can do for your country”. Every day I bless God for men like Pastor Chris Oyakhilome for his “Reach Out Nigeria (RON) Campaign” which holds every 1^stOctober in all states in Nigeria providing food/shelter to the needy, donating ambulances to hospitals, computers to schools etc (see more of RON works HERE).  I appraise men like Aliko Dangote who recently took out a huge loan to build a refinery in Nigeria – it takes a man with a passion for his country to take this petroleum matter upon himself (ermm abeg, can we vote him for president?). Thanks to Dr Ola Orekunrin of Flying Doctors who has helped with emergency medical attention. Even our youths are making a difference in their own way; people like Duro Oye who started the 2020 Change Foundation to eradicate youth violence in the UK; Debbie Motilewa who started Volunteer Nigeria (read Debbie’s interview with LynnVille HERE) and so many others. We have made progress, though little but it’s something to celebrate. If all you see is the negative and bad side, you'll never see the good when it happens.

 

To Nigerians currently living in the country, don’t be in a haste to run away or get involved in illegal activities all in the name of searching for greener pastures; the grass is greener where you water it. Don’t curse your country/leaders please, the curses may follow them and if they are still in authority, it will affect you. The British national anthem is more like a prayer and in every verse it has the caption  “God save the queen”; every time that anthem is sang, it’s a prayer for their leader. It is difficult to find an American or a Briton cursing/ saying negative words about their country. Please let us focus on the good things instead of magnifying the bad ones; and let us learn to pray for our leaders (yeah I know you’ll say we’ve been praying; pls continue). When making international trips, don’t be ashamed to show your green passport at the airport while you’re on the queue & don’t hide it in a red/black passport holder.  I understand we get extra checks/harrassments most times just cos of our nationality; just shrug it off. They don’t know our journey so they only act based on their myopic knowledge about us. Just IGNORE them, let them do their checks.

 

And to my fellow Nigerians in diaspora, don’t be ashamed to say you’re Nigerian. The way you present Nigeria to your colleagues at work, fellow students etc will determine how they see you. No one can believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself; you’re the Nigeria they see and the story you give them is what they’ll believe.  Even when they ask you questions about the bad things in Nigeria, answer them but make sure you end the conversation by pointing out the good things about Nigeria that they never knew. Most violent acts and frauds in UK,USA in the past 2 years has one or more Nigerians involved. That is really disappointing but hey... every country has both good and bad people. You may have become a British citizen or gotten your green card – you’re still Nigerian cos the name printed on your passport will not change from Oluwasemilore Adegbite or Chukwuebuka Nwachukwu  to Tom Grays – You’re Naija for life, be proud of it  and speak positively about the country. (random names, sorry if it’s your real name).

 

Finally my brethren and sisthren (lol), abeg let’s be patient with Naija, we’re only 52 and we will get there. We may not know the “HOW” for now but we will surely improve and develop; just keep supporting in your own little way and never give up on her. We are a work in progress…better days ahead.

Aerial view of  Falomo Bridge, Lagos. 

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